I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are the jesus of drinking
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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