my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
