I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
