She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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