Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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