GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
