You're completely useless in the revolution.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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