she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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