I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
