ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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