I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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