My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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