ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
