if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
