: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
