that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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