You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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