sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
