dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
