Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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