I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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