my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize