he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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