its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
