Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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