xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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