Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
