just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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