I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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