I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
