Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
