so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
