Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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