fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
