He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
