dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
