oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize