I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
