something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
