My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize