hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
