When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
