the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
