I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
