So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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