My sheets look like a crime scene.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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