And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
