franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
