Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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