Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
