Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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