So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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