I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
