That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
