Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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