I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
