dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
