I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
