dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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