So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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