Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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