My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
