I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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