i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
