If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
