Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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